ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I FOUND THE LEGS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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