She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
