Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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