In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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