i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
