Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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