It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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