Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize