I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
