i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
