im drinking this country out of the recession.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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