He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize