Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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