Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
