Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize