She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
