why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
