that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize