need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
