My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
