hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
