Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
