Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
