Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
