theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
