my phone needs a breathalizer
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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