no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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