thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize