rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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