He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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