haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
