I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
