Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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