you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
