chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
