Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize