i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
