I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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