please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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