I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you will always have a special place in my vag
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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