2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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