I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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