I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
