You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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