You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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