u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
