they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
