He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
