Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
