I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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