The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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