pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
