so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
