It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
