Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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