i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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