Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
