dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
