Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
