i think my tv is drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
