he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize