Nicole vs. Life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
