forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
