Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
