So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
