He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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