so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
