Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
