you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
