I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize