I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
