why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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