We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
