Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
