Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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