dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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