I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dude. I can hear the air.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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