I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
