This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
