its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
