Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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