My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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