Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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