I am in a vortex of obligation.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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